Jealousy isn't cool

i am so jealous of my husband friends and everyone else who can have a family. ronald doesn't want one. and that is a pain i carry all the time. i see people who have kids and say all the so cute and then i think well maybe some day . well i know that some day is never going to happen. i DO  understand that babies cost alot of money and ronald wants to pay off the bill that racked up there. but i am 24 and everyone says enjoy it while you can .. enjoy what the constant work every day never seeing my husband and when i do see him he seems to never want to see me. we argue so yes some would say please dont bring a baby in that environment i never had a close family bond or love. my dad was always working and mom never cooked good meals or just talked bad about us. and i always said i would love to bring a kid into this world so they know love and happiness and a what a close family is. there are people today who i know that has 4 kids and are my age. and they are doing fine yes some dont own there own house but they are doing great. but the only thing i have is a husband who told me when we started dating oh i cant wait to one day have a family with you. then we get married by 2012 we can buy a house and start a family. well guess what that got my hopes up really bad. we bought a house  in 2009 and adopted 3 animals. and now married for 4 years he  says he never wants kids ... how would you guys take that. he ask me the other day why i am so stress its because of him.  always mad at me and saying hurtful stuff but i idol these girls who are mother and have husbands who support them in every way. i talk adoption or getting pregant and ronald would say then you wont ever see me i will half to get 4 jobs. and it dont help much when my mom says she wants a grandbaby  but all i do is sit back and try to enjoy my life like it is i will half to realize that i wont ever be a mommy and that is how my life is suppost to be. 

Life Changes

how can i do that. well i want so much, i dont want to be stressed i want to be the best wife my husband loves and is happy to come home to, i want him to be happy and looking foward. but for some reason this  has stuck in my head and wont get out. he doesnt want kids. and that really hurts i feel like i have been ripped off, when we was dating he said i cant wait to marry you and start a family then he told me when we buy a house in 2012 we can have a family now he says he doesn't want kids . that really hurts i cry every time he is not around and i look at him and think does he really love me  does he see's a future with me do i need to lose weight and change my ways for him to be happy, and another thing that hurt but i took it wrong. when my friend said she cooks and cleans he said ooh i wonder if you can get a 4 year marriage unalled "how ever you spell it" but i do complain about my job that is bad but i want to go some were else. and he wont let me. i dont know if he has fallen out of love or just really could care less about me. we will half to wait and see

HARD WORK ... OR NOT

i really want to distress my life right now. but how can i start at it or learn when to start and how to work hard at it and keep it going. right now marriage and work and family is  what i have on my list that is the most stressed

 

now  i want to change i want to best for me and learn peace 

but what is the best way to fix myself to learn happiness and peace but i want to learn and i will keep everyone updated and if you guys have any advice on how or were to start please let me know

What to do with My Life

I have sat and asked my self "what do i see my future as" but i see my future as 1 a mom 2 a loving wife to my husband 3 be stress free and happy! but how can i change that and make it better well for one i learn how to be stress free and be happy, and if i want to become a mom well i need to get my body and my health ready and happy for a baby to made and live in me :)  and i also need to be a loving awesome sweet wife to my husband and love him the right way. & honor him. i need to switch something in my head to make my life change for the better ~!~~ i will blog about my journey on everything :)