A Fun & Hard Day

Ok my one and only day off of work i spent the hole day with my hubby. we got up and we out for lunch at pizza hut at there buffet and then came home and picked up gizmo and took him to bernheim and as soon we got there i decided that i wanted to walk on a trail well i was wrong... it was a 1 in a half mile trail up and down hill and it killed me i have a headache now for 2 hours and i am sore and my knees and back hurts . but i was a fun day now its off to have potato soup

Dreams, Life ???

i do have dreams and i life to live but how can find a great job who pays well  that i can make my dreams comes true and life with my husband happy what can i do to make him appreciate me?  why do i think this ? he says me working for walmart is good for me but i want these bills to DIE and be gone i feel like nobody likes me for me and love me for me. there are people  at work who say eww and that i am ugly but am i really do i look that bad. maybe if i had the money i would be who i want and get what i want. but see that takes money lots of it and  ronald doesnt want me to work a second job  he said its not worth it. but i dont know what my brain says anymore i dont know any thing any more  my personal married life  is bad it has been like this since i said i do but really how do i fix it. everytime i talk about kids  he gets pist off or if i am honest with him he brushes it off. what should i do if i said we need counseling he would laugh at me and say ya right whatever. but me wrighting this blog is helping me alot 

MAYBE BABY?

there has been alot of days were i had BABY on the brain. well you know what i have thought hard about this and i know it will hurt it me for it or hurt everyone else. but there will not be kids in my future i wont be having them, there is no point of trying or making ronald angry with baby talk, my mom wants a grandchild so badly ronalds mom and my mom said that if i ever wanted a kid that maybe i should loose weight they know i hate who i am, and besides ronald goes back and forth of i want kids to i dont want kids, and work is crazy with all the different hours i barley get sleep anymore and i heard you gotta have lots of sex to make a baby well how i am going to have sex if i am to tried and i work alot and when i get off of work ronald is in bed sleeping for his job its crazy how life is some how complicated everyone i know is having or already has baby's but its not in the cards for me. but now that one door has closed in my life now i can work on the other door a hard road to happiness and joy and love. when one door closes another one opens. and i know that i will have a guardian angel to guide me on my way.

?

There has been alot of thinking lately of my life and everything. were am i going what will my future look like and is my husband truly happy and in love with me and will i ever be a beautiful as these 18 -19 year old's who i work with and is my job really helping my marriage. all i can do is sit and think. my mom has a new boyfriend and is truly happy, but i look at her happiness and wonder do i have that. why does my husband and his family and mine half to say i need to lose weight why cant the except me for who i am, they say i am not happy but do they really know me. my parents told me when i had to get fake teeth on top that i would be happy but i feel more like a freak everyday. how can someone bounce back to feel happy for who they are . all i can think about is making everyone happy but myself. it really hurts i dont know who i am i barely can wright about myself. what made me this way,  i think that it is me from high school getting bullied and always trying to fit in with someone crowd, i do ask my self are you happy and how did  you get this way, those i ask every day. i want so much for my future but my husband and put a big block in road to stop me. this life i live this life i have i dont like at all, there has to be a way to change my life for the better