Revamp

i am going to come up with a new name and everything and time to start NEW but keep all my old stuff but i got to fix my blog up for good :)

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY

FIRST I WANT TO SAY THANKS FOR A LINK UP PARTY FOR WOMEN LIVING WELL PLEASE GOT CHECK OUT HER BLOG ITS A GOOD ONE <a href="http://womenlivingwell.org/category/women-living-well-wednesdays/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i457.photobucket.com/albums/qq297/courtneylivingwell/LivingWell.png"></a>

AND I WANT TO SAY PLEASE HAVE A SAFE AND FUN 4TH PLEASE DON'T PLAY WITH THE FIREWORK WITH YOUR HANDS AND DONT DRINK ALOT :)

Jealousy isn't cool

i am so jealous of my husband friends and everyone else who can have a family. ronald doesn't want one. and that is a pain i carry all the time. i see people who have kids and say all the so cute and then i think well maybe some day . well i know that some day is never going to happen. i DO  understand that babies cost alot of money and ronald wants to pay off the bill that racked up there. but i am 24 and everyone says enjoy it while you can .. enjoy what the constant work every day never seeing my husband and when i do see him he seems to never want to see me. we argue so yes some would say please dont bring a baby in that environment i never had a close family bond or love. my dad was always working and mom never cooked good meals or just talked bad about us. and i always said i would love to bring a kid into this world so they know love and happiness and a what a close family is. there are people today who i know that has 4 kids and are my age. and they are doing fine yes some dont own there own house but they are doing great. but the only thing i have is a husband who told me when we started dating oh i cant wait to one day have a family with you. then we get married by 2012 we can buy a house and start a family. well guess what that got my hopes up really bad. we bought a house  in 2009 and adopted 3 animals. and now married for 4 years he  says he never wants kids ... how would you guys take that. he ask me the other day why i am so stress its because of him.  always mad at me and saying hurtful stuff but i idol these girls who are mother and have husbands who support them in every way. i talk adoption or getting pregant and ronald would say then you wont ever see me i will half to get 4 jobs. and it dont help much when my mom says she wants a grandbaby  but all i do is sit back and try to enjoy my life like it is i will half to realize that i wont ever be a mommy and that is how my life is suppost to be. 

Life Changes

how can i do that. well i want so much, i dont want to be stressed i want to be the best wife my husband loves and is happy to come home to, i want him to be happy and looking foward. but for some reason this  has stuck in my head and wont get out. he doesnt want kids. and that really hurts i feel like i have been ripped off, when we was dating he said i cant wait to marry you and start a family then he told me when we buy a house in 2012 we can have a family now he says he doesn't want kids . that really hurts i cry every time he is not around and i look at him and think does he really love me  does he see's a future with me do i need to lose weight and change my ways for him to be happy, and another thing that hurt but i took it wrong. when my friend said she cooks and cleans he said ooh i wonder if you can get a 4 year marriage unalled "how ever you spell it" but i do complain about my job that is bad but i want to go some were else. and he wont let me. i dont know if he has fallen out of love or just really could care less about me. we will half to wait and see

HARD WORK ... OR NOT

i really want to distress my life right now. but how can i start at it or learn when to start and how to work hard at it and keep it going. right now marriage and work and family is  what i have on my list that is the most stressed

 

now  i want to change i want to best for me and learn peace 

but what is the best way to fix myself to learn happiness and peace but i want to learn and i will keep everyone updated and if you guys have any advice on how or were to start please let me know

What to do with My Life

I have sat and asked my self "what do i see my future as" but i see my future as 1 a mom 2 a loving wife to my husband 3 be stress free and happy! but how can i change that and make it better well for one i learn how to be stress free and be happy, and if i want to become a mom well i need to get my body and my health ready and happy for a baby to made and live in me :)  and i also need to be a loving awesome sweet wife to my husband and love him the right way. & honor him. i need to switch something in my head to make my life change for the better ~!~~ i will blog about my journey on everything :)

Worst Week ever!

ok, we buried our great grandma last Wednesday in west Virginia and while we was up there our car  blew up and that needed a new radiator, "on saturday" and on sunday when it was time to go home it blew up again :( now it needs a new head gasget and everything else new. and so my mother drove us down because  we half to work and she is going to stay with us till the care get fix ;( well i knew that would be bad from the start my husband can tell his dad whatever he wants but when it comes to his mom he is a whimp, as soon as she got to out hour "omg this house is dirty" :"cleaning all night" and ronald got mad because i told her dont touch anything everything is fine well when he heard me say that he said " she is doing what you never do" and that really hurt and we got mad at each other, the my husband did the BIG  NO NO  he showed his mom our joint bank account that made me mad, he told me when we got it that nobody in our family needs to know about it. and then the next day after she decided what goes in my house food wise i told him i am fine and that made her mad and yelled at me she said that i was acting like her sister who nobody like because she is mean and a witch, and that was strike 2, then yesterday she cleaned my bedroom ugh strike 3, and has my husband told his mom to stop NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i dont have a say what goes on in my house and that is really upsetting  i am grateful for work i cry all the time since she got here, and you know what with her being here it will make or break our marriage, i just pray to god that he will make this evil to go away and help me be a better person!